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Tall people: Superior or Soon to be Endangered?
Heh heh, I just read the dumbest editorial a few minutes ago. It all started with a study that tall people make more money than shorter people b/c we make better leaders. (We also have more kids, yay, lol) Well, that study pissed off some midgets apparently and they started writing back, then the tall people wrote back arguing against the midget people. This is so dumb.... lol.
Below are two editorials. I think they are just satire (hopefully) but it's much more funny if u take it seriously.
Some Retorts to the articles
Tall people are not going to go extinct b/c we need more food! Do we even need more food? If there is ever a world food shortage, which I doubt will be anytime soon, if ever, it's the people who can't afford food or don't have access to it that will die, not tall people.
And a Rant
What the heck is it with short people and superiority complexes? Hitler and Napoleon were both very short. Why do short people always want to conquer the world? I don't know how tall Saddam was, but I bet he was short as well. I'm glad tall people are much more rational. Instead of using military power to take over, we do it economically, through promotions in the workplace and the select few of us who play basketball very well. But then u ask what are short people good for? Well, since short people constantly try to take over the world, they should never be promoted to positions of leadership, instead, they should be put in arenas to fight amongst themselves. There is nothing funnier than midgets fighting amongst themselves or 100 midgets pulling a 747. heh heh.
-Joe
PS: I am kidding! This is satire!
| Anyways, Here are the two editorials in the Alligator: | Tall people face unfair burdens
Editor: So tall people make more money than short people. Well, the costs heavily outweigh the benefits.
I was scarred as a child because I was too big to play in the McDonald's playpen; all of the other kids had so much fun. I've almost killed myself fetching heavy items on the top shelf that some short person asked for. For some reason, everyone asks me if I play basketball, and people mistakenly direct leadership responsibilities toward me.
To top it off, a short friend of mine recently revealed to me that short people can do things in bed that tall people can't, like fit on one.
The extra money just isn't worth being tall. I wish I were a midget. Maybe then my miniature golf game would improve.
~Jay Stannard
3EG | Short people will one day surpass tall
Editor: Tall people think it's great, abusing the bantams of the world by taking their money. We small folk will have our big day.
Size has been evolutionarily unfavorable at several points in history, like during the last Ice Age. Then bigger people starved first because they required more nutrients. With global warming, the Iraq war and people breeding like rabbits, there will soon be a grand-scale food shortage.
Then, Goliaths will fall like flies because they require more calories, but the petite will survive. It's hard to dunk a basketball when you're dead. And we'll be the only team not six feet under.
~Hung Chi
5EG |
Go Tall people!
Belched up with tidings of comfort and joy by Joe
at
3:21:00 PM. |
